As per Accountemps, which conducts the office jargon survey only once every five years, new office clichés or buzzwords are springing up all the time. As reported in BNET MoneyWatch, I am listing some of the “niche” buzzwords and what they actually mean:
· In transition. A change from one state of being to another; recession variation: collecting unemployment compensation. Example: “Since the downsizing, I’ve been in transition.” Synonym: doing some consulting.
· Go offline. Pester me about this after the meeting — or preferably never. “Jones, could we go offline to discuss the $10 underpayment of your expense account reimbursement?”
· End of the day. Formerly 5 to 5:30 p.m., now defined as an uncertain point in the future when everything magically turns out okay. Example. “At the end of the day, the pollution in the groundwater may just drain into the earth’s core and become unnoticeable.”
· Transparent. Open about the facts, but not to be confused with honest. Example: “We’ve been totally transparent about the 15% fee; we disclosed it on page 37.”
· Can’t Wrap One’s Head Around. Unwilling to get into the details or deal with the facts; intellectually lazy. Example: “I can’t wrap my head around all this recycling business; Let’s throw everything in the dumpster behind Home Depot and let them deal with it.”
· KPI (Key Performance Indicators) Important measurements, usually of the immeasurable. Example: “The American Psychological Association recently established KPIs for marriage: the weekly incidence of sexual intercourse plus the number of hours spent watching the same TV shows, minus total minutes bickering over the proper loading of the dishwasher.”
· Low-hanging fruit. Easy to get, though in the end, often not worth the effort. Example: The Taliban might be low-hanging fruit for our production overrun of beard combs.”
· Throughput. Not your conclusions, but the mind-numbing numbers and facts you chewed over to get there; information generally demanded by a micro-manager who won’t believe that you did the work. Example: “Don’t tell me what you’ve decided about the Taliban beard-comb project; I just want your throughput.”
· Footprint. Impact, formerly ecological, but now applicable to anything. Example: “Auntie Meg’s rear end had a significant footprint on our sofa.”
Ain’t they interesting enough? Check out the link for more terms and their definitions…
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